Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic Santa to determine who'd been naughty and who'd been nice and distribute presents accordingly
But something went wrong
Due to a programming error, Santa's standards were set too high and he invariably judges everyone to be naughty
If he catches you after dark, he'll chop off your head and stuff your neck full of toys from his sack of horrors
I'm going to tear off your skin like wrapping paper and deck the halls with your guts!
I'm going to shove coal so far up your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds
I'm dreaming of a red axe-mess
Time to get jolly on your naughty asses!
And if I don't complete my [...] rampage
well it just wouldn't be axe-mess
Please, please don't bring me any gifts
The bicycle you fired at me last year from your bicycle gun really tore up my insides
Mommy, mommy! Santa's through the perimeter!
This is it, kids! Take your suicide pills so you won't suffer!
There were no survivors